this track reminds me of feelings that i don't even remember ever feeling, places i don't remember really being but still hold deep significance. car rides underneath trees which now stand dead and bare. hands held, once warm and full of life, in a human-shaped space now empty and cold. basically, this song brings to life the ghost of myself who has lived out each potentiality and from whose transparency i am left with the remaining memory and sensation

happiness isn't always explicit, it's not always direct or overt or even visible
tangible, ready and willing
sometimes it is resting under the surface of your every day life
like morning light behind clouds
just fucking bask in the light
stop suffocating it
stop your desperate attempts at unmasking its true form
that is not for you
it was never for you
so lie still

this isn't just isolation. this is hell


why must he plague me with his face
his memory is like a world of sights, sounds, smells, sensations that will never be felt again
a world of loss and losing
a world that will spin and spiral infinitely away from me with each passing moment

the saddest fucking thing to ever experience.

fuck trying to see this positively
i feel ruined

sorry for the negativity guys. maybe this video will help inspire you to believe in a beauty, or at least some kind of salvation to be felt throughout your life. orchestrating pure sounds in the air and experiencing what it means to be human through music. i am fed up with trying to cultivate my own sensations, trying to force the feeling of being alive upon myself. all it leads to is unimaginable disappointment.

another song in which i find it very easy to lose myself


all i wanna do is make music
and explore sounds
and feel weightless

days and hours lose their importance as i drift through life
happiness is not a priority
breathing is
i guess

me dancing in these holographic lights
they form around any shadows that intrude their path
which i was happy to do


would you let me sing to you?

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