the breath of regions where one goes hat in hand

listen.
r.i.p. one of the greatest composer of our times.

the universe

everything feels different, my life is going in a completely different direction now than a few months ago... even a few weeks ago. strange how suddenly you are completely removed from the plan you had previously conceived for yourself, and how violently you had stuck by it, how estranged you were from everything that  suggested even the slightest deviation. and yet, right under your nose, it happened. you are at that place. that place you were always trying to go, under the surface. there isn't a perfect little word to capture the emotions i feel, but maybe that is because i feel kind of numb. not because of any lack of feeling on my part, but because of the strangeness of this new world. i reach out and can make contact with nothing, yet. it's still being shaped from a formless blob into a vibrant technicolor world in my mind where i can engage and interact with what has been laid out before me.

THIS IS LIFE, DUH

you feel me?

is

le musique, as always

a

dave brubeck quartet in germany, 1966
9:47 is one of the greatest jazz performances i've ever seen, it's called "forty days" and was composed by brubeck. 19:14 is another beautiful one, it's called "koto song" and has some of the most beautiful jazz piano improv you'll ever hear. he is a big inspiration to me!

johann sebastian bach's prelude no. 6 in d minor from WTC I, performed by sviatoslov richter
1:26 is when the amazingly beautiful, somber fugue begins. i just can't get over how beautiful it is, and richter plays it with such sonority. i started learning it today.

chune - "one man dream machine," big hat, no cattle (1996)
lovely, if you ask me.

mark fry - "song for wild," dreaming with alice (1972)
psych-folk classic

natural snow buildings - "away, my ghosts," the dance of the moon and the sun (2006)
my god.

me singing to you:



other things:

drake, random songs
Scarlatti sonatas
Haydn sonatas
the strokes, angles
burial, untrue
mule driver
federico mompou, charmes et suburbis
jon hopkins, immunity
souls of mischief, '93 til infinity
AIDAN BAKER & TIM HECKER, FANTASMA-PARASTASIE
this video
this nail polish color
everything here

-

haunted house

i got a new job, and i am excited for the future. that's all i can hope for right now. i am learning things at school and trying to take in as much as i can. i talk to everyone i can no matter if they intimidate or belittle me. i have to be real with everyone to prolong my solidity as a human lest i fade back into a holographic shadow.

i'd like to thank myself for not breaking down and crying every day
i'd like to thank myself for not missing things that aren't worth missing
for realizing what really matters in life
for climbing out of a hole
for realizing that you were digging a hole in the first place
for not being afraid


Space, like time, engenders forgetfulness; but it does so by setting us bodily free from our surroundings and giving us back our primitive, unattached state. Yes, it can even, in the twinkling of an eye, make something like a vagabond of the pedant and Philistine.

EDIT

holy shit listen to this!!!!!! especially 4:28
so yummy sexy gorgeous and good.

drug me with visions untrue

Nina Simone, live at the Montreux Festival (1976, 1987, 1990)   
45:50 is when she starts singing "feelings," an absolutely amazing song

HTRK, "Synthetik" (Work, Work, Work)

there is something in this video that touches me like fingers on my skin, but from the inside out.

-

i need to walk and empty my mind with each step. i need to cleanse these cavities in my chest and head of all the gray matter. there is so much to me outside of what i am to other people. in fact, it might be most apt to say that what i am to other people encapsulates an entire self other than my truest form.

yes, that must be it. a shadow of me, the sun shining on my back and the world sucking up my reflection as i gaze straight ahead towards the horizon.

there are many places i wish i was right at this moment. where i am is not one of them.

soft feelings that can only be achieved with the presence of another

-

toxic

something that consoles me is a warm place in my head that i am becoming more familiar with

is is a place where no one else is allowed
it is a bed on which no one else can lay
hands on me that i put there
things inside me that i meaningfully placed

i feel so warm knowing that these things are mine
no abandonment by anyone or anything can make me feel like i have experienced loss
when what i experienced has been retained inside me
and i can cultivate the garden as i please

dreaming

^ isn't that the most beautiful photograph you have ever seen?