aquarium-filtered light

i am obsessed, obsessed with this album:

4hero - Parallel Universe (1995)

lost in

and my favorite track off of it, "Follow Your Heart (pt. 2)"

i find it very fun and enjoyable and astounding to listen to. i would rather listen to it above most other things.


i recently watched a documentary on the pianist Glenn Gould in which his life is explained with great detail. i have come to realize him as one of the most important and greatest pianists this world has ever seen. i can't speak much for his recordings of other composers, but i find his bach works absolutely definitive. i enjoy his mozart renditions a whole lot too. they are so completely different from what one has become used  to, yet entirely better for it.

he was also so dreamy and magnetizing to watch.

the desert

my current favorite mozart of his being the sonata no. 12, k. 332, in f major. the first movement, an allegro, played rather detached but in a very charming way, and then the second movement, one of the most beautifully rich adagios i have ever heard in my life. gould gives it depth, character, and really embraces what at times seem like strange harmonies. all is not what it seems.

as for bach, i have shared a video earlier of the e major fugue in which it is quite possible bach achieved perfection. not just in the aesthetic sense, but when broken down into parts the piece seems to have simply no flaws. divinity at work through the hands who composed it and the genius who now performs it. i can't get over how each line is given roundness, meaning, just by how it is conceived and executed musically. the notes themselves hold nothing particularly special, they really don't. their arrangement, their resurrection from the page, the auditory transformation from a lifeless staff to very physical sensations, moving lines and voices that attract your ear, pull at you from far-off places, stop your heart for a moment; these are things that only the highest evolution of human can achieve. these are things that can be replaced by nothing else in the universe.

here is gould playing the ending of the first movement to bach's keyboard concerto no. 1 in d minor, BWV 1052. i find the part at 1:10 to be rather lovely, intimate.

sometimes you have to wonder, what does it all mean?

soaked in

i recently started reading raymond chandler's first novel, the big sleep. i haven't seen the film yet in its entirety, but i will probably wait until i'm though with the book. so far i find it incredible and rich. it reminds me a lot of the murakami books i used to love; i am pretty sure he was even influenced by chandler's hard-boiled detective motif. there are great similarities between writing styles, too; very straight to the point, lots of talk of alcohol, the male characters being brutally honest, cynical yet not entirely heartless, while the female characters remain very peculiar and sometimes insanely annoying. i really hope most girls aren't as flimsy as they are portrayed.

wet dreams

also really super super loving this track by burial and massive attack, "four walls." her voice reminds me of the girl from elysian fields, very sensual and mystical. the fuzzy textures overlaying the beat seem to take precedence here, as opposed to what one might be more familiar with in burial's output.


i wonder if i am at any stage in my life to which i could attribute a season, a time of day, or anything symbolic like that. i suppose that in a chronological sense at 20 i would be considered in the summer, or in the mid afternoon when the sun is highest in the sky. everything is rising to its fullest potential and blooming and exploding and moaning with raw desire for newness and sensation. i get it. but did the desire for everything i can possibly withhold in my body originate from within me, or am i soaking in what is merely expected of me?

i want to hang out with myself and do things. i feel like i understand myself pretty well and would be able to have fun. but at the same time, i think a lot of the things i do are for the person i am with. what fun is it when there isn't anyone to show off to, right? grrrrrr

i do want everything, it is true. and i feel like i can have anything. i do not feel limited, or at least to the extent i did in the past. there are so many possibilities, it feels like i am constantly squinting because the force of the sun's rays are overpowering my senses... i do not walk blindly but with some obscuring factors in my path. i do not resent these however, for perfect clarity does not strike me as possible or even human. who can claim that there is nothing hidden from them? perhaps it is best not to care, but to just move forward, stumble a little, without rest.

who can afford that?

dear diary, i must take risks -
i must not be afraid of failure.what do i need to give up?
crystalline ladders, shiny things, mirror-balls…

i just found a review that i used to love from years ago. it completely blew my mind. the review is of coil's moon's milk EPs.


  1. the most recent post seems to have disappeared, so i’ll bury this comment here as i just finally got around to watching that glenn gould documentary you wrote about all this time ago. i have nothing interesting to say about it but i really enjoyed it, so thanks again for keeping this blog. hopefully you continue to enjoy sharing stuff for a long time.

    if you’re ever stuck without anything to watch there was a recentish documentary on the pianist john ogdon which was a pretty good, albeit depressing watch. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b045q1py

    but yeah i love unwound too. even more than most bands they sound as if they played & grew so much together that each guitar/drum/bass/vocal part sounds completely born of the others. (speaking of that & documentaries - have you seen that slint film that came out earlier this year? if you like them even just a little, i can’t recommend it enough. the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVdU_bLD2-M

    i think it’s a tossup between leaves turn inside you & repetition for my favourite unwound album. perfect is the right word for leaves, the whole album feels seamless with so many perfect moments (intro to october all over; the endless little changes in below the salt; the end to off this century; the whole of terminus etc. etc). repetition has a crazy, relentless energy (or best sums it up) with lady elect probably being my favourite track of theirs.

    i saw that they top unwound’s similar artists list on last.fm so it’s maybe pointless to recommend, but lowercase have a few moments with a similar kind of feel:
    the open sea: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmBy01WlMLw
    rare anger: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNU9rpdAlSc
    & some of imaad wasif’s solo stuff is really great - priestess: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rv0scgquZAM
    razorlike (live) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N-d_yizn0Y
    cheers again.

  2. i like genuinely appreciated this comment a hell of a lot, so thank you very much for burying it here. i put up the most recent post again but i'm thinking of re-doing it/modifying it a lot because it has many things i am not too proud of contained in it. whatevs.

    i will watch that documentary about the pianist, and HELL YES to that slint documentary! holy fucking shit i didn't know they had actual footage of the band playing spiderland material at such a young age, they look younger than me! have you ever read the 33 1/3 book about that album? it's just called "Spiderland" and it's by Scott Tennent. reading that completely floored me, it probably covers similar things that the documentary does, but it got me addicted to that album for a while. i saw it in a whole new light and infinitely respect them for their art.


    i LOVE lowercase, they are definitely one of my favorite bands of all time. i'm about to make a new blog post where i talk about all my favorite songs from bands such as them. hopefully there will be stuff in there you haven't heard before.

    again, thank you very much for the comment. do you have a last.fm? have we talked before?

  3. ha, yeah the footage is mind-blowing - to even be able to think of playing like that at a young age. that along with interviews with britt walford’s parents make it a great watch. the only thing i’d say is not to expect the focus to be on the making of spiderland (it seems in part that’s how it was promoted, while to me that expectation would be the only way the film could feel a disappointment). very little time is spent on the recording which is explained/justified by the rest film. the focus is on the band members as people & musicians, where they came from, what the louisville music scene was like. it’s funny and really well done and britt walford meets & surpasses every expectation as a dyed-in-the-wool weirdo (in the best way). i’ve only ever read the elliott smith 33 1/3 book, will have to check out the one on spiderland, thanks.

    i think i’ve only left one other comment on here before. thanks for welcoming them. i have a last.fm (same name minus the space) but my tastes are pretty damn boring - almost everything could be grouped into rock & classical (actually an unhealthy amount of it is just classic/dad rock). have only skimmed your new post, but yeah it was a safe bet that most stuff i wouldn’t have heard before, ha.