another new draft open, another attempt at-
...
who knew it would become so hard to mumble the words out. who knew i would do everything and anything in my power to not look at what was staring me right in the face; to not engage with the very depth of this life i've been given and instead busy myself with the fraying threads at the edges of its fabric, the insignificant details.
these outer reaches are no doubt important, too, but they do little to absolve one of wonder, of yearning.
there is a yearning in all of us - in me it is insatiable.
and for what?
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| samantha muljat - towards mt. shasta |
one must at some point in one's life distinguish the finitude among the infinitude; differentiate the chaff from the eternal and thus pay homage to that which is impermanent and that which is not. depending on one's outlook the two can become very interwoven and interchangeable indeed.
taking a closer look-
i. the insignificant, the falling away, the just-passing-through:
- our bodies
- our thoughts
- worries
- perceptions
- models of the universe
- beliefs about "who we are"
- emotions/beliefs
- our relationships
- our accomplishments
- careers
- goals
- failures
ii. the eternal and unchanging:
- our souls
- God
- Nature
- Creator
- One
- Order
- Chaos
- whatever you wish to call it
- our karmic predicaments
- with us during each life
- work that is to be done
- love, in the end
- regenerative
- not possessive i.e. caught up in the aforementioned thought forms
- unconditional i.e. not requiring anything in return
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| samantha muljat - rainbow |
i seem to be constantly sifting through my current state of affairs to find what is important, what lasts, what demands my attention. letting fall away what does not serve me, which more often than not are totally fabricated preconceived beliefs about what life is supposed to look like or be or offer to the one living it, i.e. me. i'm so done with these repetitive thought patterns that chip away at me until there is nothing left.
one question i do have - where does time go, out of these two categories? is it a belief of ours, is it an unchanging constant of the universe, does it exist outside of us? similarly, is suffering an unchanging constant, is it indivisible from life? i believe that suffering exists because time exists - as beings caught in time we inevitably experience suffering because our bodies fall away, we experience loss of everything we ever knew or loved, and conversely we experience the preciousness of love because time takes everything away. a world in which there is no suffering would also be a world in which there is no love, gratitude, appreciation, forgiveness. so i suppose suffering and time therefore are unchanging constants, just as love is... they do not go away no matter how high you get + how much you meditate + how much money/power you accumulate.
so, then.
