l'espoir du printemps

i am so damn excited for spring!

the snow still blankets my surroundings and as beautiful and nostalgic as i find it i miss the call of birds and the lush plumage of the earth's warm seasonal clothing.

sometimes i'll wander meadows and fields and beside streams and remote mountain trails. in a certain state of mind i see the flowers as competitors, or perhaps allies, in reaching high towards the sun in a stance of worship and gratitude, swaying in the breeze and for lack of a better word, singing. dancing.

it's so fascinating to see how with each week that passes during the growing season a new family of wild plants will sprout out, like clockwork. once i start noticing a flower family, like bee balm or mayapple or turk's cap, then i'll start seeing those flowers or buds everywhere, all over. they're  conspiring or programmed together to appear at the same time for miles and miles around and it's one of my most favorite activities to see and identify wild beings deep in the forest. 

she will be here soon enough, and i am awaiting the day i can put some seeds into the ground, or at least into buckets or a raised bed.

my dream for working and homesteading on a small plot of land is not fully materialized yet but is still alive and well, and keeps me thriving even when the winter snow threatens to bury me under its sluggish weight.

there is always the question of who the land belongs to - of course it was stolen, originally, and the eastern states of the US seem to have much less public land than the west, much less "wild" and untended land.

i believe that with the privilege i have to buy or even think about buying land for myself i can do some good, at least for the ecosystem, by planting natives and a food forest, maybe even learn from locals or native elders how to do controlled burning to keep some species from going extinct.

so much to learn, so much responsibility to receive and perpetuate knowledge only from those who truly have the earth's interest at heart.

❂

william eggleston, 1939-

 
☼

i prefer warm weather, but even learning to cope with the challenges of living on top of a mountain during the winter can be yoga (union), a practice.

it's important to be able to watch and catch yourself as you move through all those temporary states (as mentioned in previous post). 

distancing one's self from the emotion is the first step in not succumbing to it completely.

let's say, for example, that you notice yourself get caught up in a negative thought loop or lash out at someone out of annoyance or frustration.

being able to recognize that that's what happened can help alleviate the after-effects and maybe even reduce the chance of that impulse arising next time.

one thing i'm not sure of is whether one seeking enlightenment (or just to live this life as peacefully and compassionately as possible) is aiming to never be upset or to channel the anger in a positive way or what. it's not possible to be perfect, and avoidance of everything negative can be just as damaging as the alternative.

still awaiting the answer to that one...

maybe it'll come to me in 50 years. 

☾

you'd think i would have known this already, but life is supposed to contain suffering.

it's a part of life for all of us.

you are not special for your suffering, though it is a valid response to life's hardship.

valid but not unique.

✧

do not store in your heart like treasures all of what and who has wronged you.

like a dragon guarding your gold you will never be free from that which plagues you, though you may be tempted by the illusion of power.

takahashi shōtei, 1871-1945

❉

my sister has such good taste in music, i'm always so amazed at how much is out there i never knew about. like...

ichiko aoba - "porcelain" (windswept adan, 2020)

i'm reminded of nikaido kazumi and various japanese folk singers i used to listen to so many years ago. there's a bit of an off-centeredness to its ambience and harmony that renders it so very dreamlike, as if one cannot be so sure while listening if one is awake or not. the world she creates with her ethereal voice and repetitive musical textures are pretty addicting, trance-like - a lovely soundtrack for the mind and its changes.

srsq - "only one" (unreality, 2018)

i'm a huge fan of this album. it has everything - soaring vocals à la elizabeth fraser and cold synths. an industrial and noisy atmosphere juxtaposed with lush harmonic texture. i am obsessed with this song in particular but this is one of those fairly rare album on which every track is stand-out.

emma ruth rundle - "control" (on dark horses, 2018)

so this wonderful musician apparently did an album with black metal band thou, which is super neat.

somehow she combines that bleak black metal sound with raw folk in her own music and the result satisfies a craving for something i didn't know i wanted.