vide

b o r i s

at last

~

i saw them last night and had the time of my life. they played with such calm, but an unrestrainable energy broiled right underneath the surface of their massive and loud vibrating noise. i was filled with this energy and could feel it seeping through my veins as i watched, it was a spiritual experience fueled simply by sound. their amplifiers stood monolithic behind the ghostly silhouettes of their bodies tethered to the ground only by guitars and drums. multicolored smoke filled the dark room and obscured the details of reality, all i could see before me were three dark figures, blasting me onto other planes of existence with sounds that resonated through every cell i possess. i have never felt so swept up with emotion and energy in my life; all at once youthful and reckless, completely rebellious and ridiculous, as beautiful as the most ancient of wonders on earth and as open as the heart of that which is completely at peace. i left with the desire to go back night after night and be bathed, numbed in their reverberating waves of sound for eternity.

it was pretty amazing, let's just leave it at that.

~

at the drive-in: relationship of command



mamoru fujieda (藤枝守): patterns of plants



boris: everything





i'm sorry, but i don't trust you.
i'm sorry, but i have to go.

i turn 21 in a week oh jesus god please why everyone i used to care about is completely gone isn't it weird how so many people that used to be included in my life are now nowhere to be found as if they were wiped off the face of the earth why the fuck

~

i let my body accumulate goosebumps and i run my fingers over exposed flesh cold and hard but also soft and warm is anything really being accomplished outside of the time i am gathering in my arms and holding onto dearly, grudgingly, taking up my burden to bear because that is how life has explained itself to me. an impossibly long episode of gaining time, monotonous like the eerily perfect ticking of a clock eyes staring at me from a white wall, gazing fixed gaze soulless like the masses who surround me without my consent

~

you left me like you didn't leave all the others i am alone and you see me through perfectly clear glass and my condition is known to you. unsurprisingly time moves relentlessly onward and cells renew themselves fast and slow, ebb and flow, my body is not the same body you touched but you are the same shell i grope for in the night when the lights are off and i cannot find my way. your voice is permanently locked in a door always beyond my reach the echo of your last words ringing in a timeless loop i wish to make a song out of it and then smash it on the floor

~

i slide my fingers inside myself without desire but through necessity i find myself in a place that belongs to no one

~

the world is a fun fun fun slideshow in which i watch delicate fine tuned disasters occur anonymously from a dangerous distance