For Phonsie...

September 22, 1993 - October 21, 2010

Alphonso Batista, also known as PhonSiE, Phonsie22, and Phonsietm, died on Thursday, October 21, 2010. The decision was his own - there is no one to blame. He contributed to this blog fairly regularly for a few months, but I eventually encouraged him to create his own blog in order to "fly away from the nest." He has also been a regular contributor to sites such as last.fm, what.cd, and rym. Phonsie lived a guarded life, one of seclusion and loneliness, but there was one thing no one could say he didn't love: music. It accompanied him throughout the many trials of his life, and kept him connected to the person he truly wanted to be. He often said that the identity most people knew him as was not genuinely him - it was his "fake conciousness." Perhaps no one can ever know what he meant by this, but it was clear to me from the first time we met that his goal in life, his True Will, was not that of a normal teenager. He did not attend traditional school, preferring methods of self-examination, some of which were self-destructive. No one and nothing could dissuade him, however, from utilizing all that he had available to him in the accomplishment of his Will. This was his choice, and now I can only pray and hope that this was a step closer to that which he wanted most in life - the destruction of the fake conciousness.

Fuck off with your religious practices and false sympathetic nothings. His death proved that the philosophies of modern life take away all meaning from the pursuits of the mind. Phonsie understood this. Though they aren't precisely comparable, Phonsie often reminded me of Geff Rushton, aka Jhonn Balance, of Coil. Nearly nothing in modern life can assist one whose mind is so in tune with unseen, unspoken things of both this world and the one he/she his/herself have created. Both men saught after the writings and intellectual meanderings of those who many disbelieved or wrote off as crazy in an attempt to recapture that ancient logic of rejecting the world around you and creating some sort of "utopia" inside. In the case of Jhonn Balance, the result was clearly the experimental project Coil. In the case of Phonsie, the results are not yet known - or are they?

I do not assume that I am fully aware or understanding of every thought or idea Phonsie ever possessed. I do, however, claim that I knew him better than almost anyone did. Even though I abused this privelege, or ability, I still held it - he told me almost everything he thought and shared nearly every experience with me. I am saddened by his passing and will continue to mourn his loss and remember his family but, finally, this is not the end. Yes, he is dead. It is certain now. Even so, I believe that death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.

I've created a mix of both Phonsie's favorite songs and tracks that, to us, were music of the moon. This is my final say - my final flower resting upon the grave of my friend.

1. Death in June - The Giddy Edge of Light
2. Current 93 - To Blackened Earth
3. Boduf Songs - Left Behind Like a Piece of Shit
4. Colleen - I Was Deep in a Dream and Didn't Know It
5. Gasp - Eating the Translucent Old Folk's Village
6. Rudi Arapahoe - Every Time I Sleep
7. Grails - Belgian Wake-Up Drills
8. Swans - In My Garden
9. The Moon Lay Hidden Beneath a Cloud - Amara Tanta Tyri XIII
10. Supreme Dicks - Swell Song
11. Belbury Poly - The Willows
12. Teenage Larvae - Past, Present, Future
13. Air - Alone in Kyoto
14. Henry's Dress - Feathers
15. Zero Kama - Azure-lidded Woman (Pregnant Womb Of Non)
16. Coil - Batwings (A Limnal Hymn)

I dream of colour music.

No comments:

Post a Comment