flecked with glee,
flecked with light
an impersonal passion
blocked from our
in this realm of night there is strength. upon this fallow land i pick myself up and after sowing lay me down to sleep.
i do not ask of the universe, "why have you forsaken me?"
what worlds shared, what light discovered (as behind hidden doors opened one by one, some requiring the strength of us two apes, hand over hand) still burns in every corner and in every shivering leaf aloft the branch.
my mind is alight with you, my heart aflame.
your indefinite absence is hardly a death, but, its physicality does leave an intense impression. it ages me, weakens me, creates illusions before me which would breed distrust toward my own heart.
I AM THE OCEAN.
I AM THE OCEAN AND YOU ARE THE STORM.
i take heart in the words of a poet. to say ever more clearly until the end what i truly believe is right.
even if it turns out to be wrong.
so each second is spent gaining and gathering. a lot of wandering, too. and resting in, almost sinking back into, this body of mine. there is also much reflection, with a care to avoid becoming stuck in harmful patterns.
like a shepherd guiding the flock. i must provide gentle guidance and never give in to weakness or negativity.
i know there is much to be learned from skimming off the top, as it were, the summary of my past - the paraphrased and abbreviated version of what happened, what could have been done differently, and how to become better.
it's not even a question of which memories remain, which are lost to time -
everything is lost all the time and that is the transitory nature of life, of this tapestry of Creation as you've called it (channeling words from ancestors).
we are sons and daughters. what more can we learn from ourselves?
i dig deep.
and it often feels futile.
ten thousand times a day and then some do i endeavor to find reasons for giving up.
but i haven't yet; not once, not for real, not in totality.
nothing is worth the loss of even the opportunity to lose everything while it is still in your possession.
truth must be made clear in blunt and stark terms as many times as it takes to find a fucking crack in the wall and drown my heart in its rays.
even in burning is the One Truth fragrant, soft, and beautiful.
my latest experimental work:
take care, little one
(and always have been)