ad delirium

every love i could ever and did never dream of envelopes me without permission. every night i sleep so peacefully, having expelled as much energy as i have been given during the day, as if i was still in a womb.

for the past several days i've been swimming in a lake formed 12,000 years ago from molten magma and volcanic eruptions. the bluegreen water is clearer than bathwater and surrounding the entire lake is a rainforest completely filled to the brim with wildlife of all kinds, including some potentially dangerous animals and insects. when i sit in the shallows near the edge of the lake black and white striped fish, completely unafraid of me, nibble on my skin. they don't shy away when i extend my hand.

me in front of an incredible old tree in the aforementioned rainforest

as i write this i am staring into the face of a mother sunbird sitting on her two little eggs in the nest she and the male sunbird have been building for weeks. no one taught her that this is what she must do, it is just happening. i am grateful that i can witness such a beautiful, simple thing.

life finds a way to exist. though it is crushed out by the night and by unimaginable obstacles it still finds a way.

MY life is finding a way.

at this moment i couldn't even conceive of wanting to give up and that, in this day i have been given, on this day to which i owe everything, is enough reason for me to be happier than i have ever been on any other day.

i don't think about tomorrow and i don't think about yesterday. why would when i have this bird keeping me company, this beautiful sun goddess hugging me and a breeze so lightly playing at the tops of the trees?

A Day Called Zero - A Day Called Zero EP (1996)

this album keeps getting played even when i have countless other things to listen to (see: infinity).

something about it has caught me like a mermaid in a fishing net. the mood of the album is a color, or palette of colors, that intrigues me - the sounds are dark, eerie, hauntingly beautiful.