sky - fuck / shapeshift

love on the mind, love on the brain.

if i, only i, could understand and maintain
this foolish predilection for a devilheart's strains,

then all of humanity's knowing wouldn't
seem
so
plain.

i love all you are, all you've been.
all you will be too,
fiend
or
friend.

you once said you know not how to trust,
for on a face two functions cause shifts, thus -
subconscious emotion and conscious possession(
an inner hell wrestling with an outer love);
disconnect the connection, and with such obsession,
we read and deign to understand and believe
the book of all that's unknowable.

with all our might we believe what we will -
that which causes our hearts outwardly not to spill.

do you realize the heart with which you're bequeathed?
the joyous pain with which time is set  free?

("and have i?", i wonder, when hearts entrusted to me
are snatched by a Fate so cruel as to be
the routine of a dysfunctional, pained ennui.)

all love is dysfunctional until willed to be true. to be real.

to be the One.




the One is always what it is, always both outside of our experience and inside of / behind every neuron's firing.

the One cannot ever be escaped, for we all are the constituents of its essence -
as the membrane of its outer layer, living also in the deepest recesses of its interior.

the One shows no sign of existence until we question our own outer layers;
until we unify ourselves and see that great cosmos yet padding OUR earth.

so, the point:

unity.

separating the wheat from the chaff (to use a pianist/musician's term) -
discovering our individual voice, hidden amidst blustery fields and in waves of oceanic rage;
discovering our own voices among the monotonous sea of faces in which we are born. 

it is only i who determine my ultimate identity. it is only i who assert this Self, this expression of my existence - it will not, must not be done by another. not in this lifetime. not unless i sign my being away to the will of another.

.

to will Love is to will Truth, to will Reality, to Be Fully and not look back. until it becomes subconscious, i will not stop - that is the essence of learning, and of teaching.

teach that which would become a subconscious function; it is the only way to build upon the layers of knowledge gained prior.

i want to start my own label. electro-acoustic music. compose Rachel's-like works for viola, cello, and piano. i want to memorize about an hour's worth of piano music and play around town, for free, just because i think i am great. i want to read poetry out loud. i want to sing in my own language. i want to play percussion and play steve reich's mallet quartet. i want to take lessons with lamonte young and marian zazeela. i want to go to norberg festival in sweden this summer. i want to compose drone music and perform long, meditative sets. i want to be able to teach my art, for money, to those willing to learn. i want to write more about music and write more in general - the idea of pretention left behind.

there, i said it -

I WANT TO BE MORE THAN I AM.

    ^ what a constellation sounds like ^